Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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