it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
