how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I checked into jail on foursquare
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
