I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
