last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
