Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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