i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
