i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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