wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
