She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
