There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
