after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
