oh god the rape fog is back!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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