We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
