It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
