Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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