So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He passed out mid-signature
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
