On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
