theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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