he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
