Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
