i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
