apparently the secret to your success is patron
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
