the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
