I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
