I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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