taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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