The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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