I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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