I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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