The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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