just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
