I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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