i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You may now shotgun with the bride
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The adults are the big ones right?
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