her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
