Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
