I look better un-naked...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
