so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
