dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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