I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
