Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
