He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
