I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
