when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
