a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
