Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
