I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Randomize
