every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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