I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
