We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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