Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
