he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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