The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
