sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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