did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
