I puked a lego.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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